Beginning the Divorce Process: Finding the Right Lawyer or Mediator

The Road

The first step towards getting somewhere
is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.
~ John Pierpont Morgan

Chances are, if you are reading this, you’ve decided that you aren’t staying where you are in regards to your marriage. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to either realize or decide to end your marriage. It’s not easy, whether you “want” the divorce or you were surprised by it. (Few people really “want” to divorce — it’s more like this: you’ve realized that you’ve tried to make it work for years, and it’s not working.)

What are the first steps to take when you need information about divorce? Who can you trust? How do you find a lawyer or mediator?

First, I recommend you download the free guide at It describes the 4 different ways you can divorce in Iowa. The guide will also provides 10 important questions to ask any lawyer or mediator before you hire them. Let me say that again: before you hire them.

Your choice of mediator or lawyer is critically important. Not all lawyers are the exactly the same. Some are interested in caring for you in a holistic way, and in talking about difficult emotions. Some aren’t. Some are interested in your children and truly care about them. Some have a lot of experience. Some don’t. Some of them have been divorced themselves, so they really know what you’re going through. Some haven’t. Some have children, some don’t. All of these factors can affect the way a lawyer works with you.

Take the time to talk with a few lawyers. See how you feel after talking to each of them. Ask about their experiences and goals for your case. And this is really important: Notice how carefully they listen to you.

Once you decide on a mediator or lawyer, you will be on your way to making positive changes in your life. The path won’t be an easy one all the time. Change is always a bit challenging. But if you have the right guide, it makes all the difference.