Is divorce “bad?”

We like to label things. Either things are “good” or “bad.” Marriage? Good Divorce? Bad. Or . . . There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. He needed that horse to work his farm. One day his horse ran away. When his neighbors heard the news, they said sympathetically, “such bad luck.” “Maybe,” the farmer replied. The next morning the...
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Did you just find out your spouse is cheating?

First, I’m so sorry. Second:  Here is what you need to do right now:   Nothing. Do not make any big decisions.  Do not throw her or his clothes on the lawn.  Do not call his work and tell his boss.  Do not call her friends and ask them for information.  Do not tell your children. If you must tell someone, talk to a very well-trusted person like a pastor or priest, an old, trusted and very wise...
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Divorce & A Blanket of Peace

I have a particular conversation with almost every new divorce client. The same conversation, over and over. It’s tailored to the specific facts of my client’s case, of course, but the core is the same: After I listen carefully and with compassion to the things their spouse has done or is doing, and after they ask how to change the actions or feelings of their spouse, I say this: You can’t...
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Junk Food & Movie Night

After my divorce, I knew I wanted to start or maintain some rituals that would benefit our son. I came up with Junk Food & Movie night. Every Friday night for quite a while, we’d get together and eat “junk food” (each person got to pick a candy or an ice cream) and watch a movie. The movie didn’t matter. The food didn’t matter. What mattered was that for a couple hours a week, our son sat...
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When you are feeling broken, please don’t break your child.

Have you ever lost your cool on your kid? Yeah, me neither. Now that we’ve closed on the bridge I sold you, let’s get real. Today I read a great article by a single dad blogger. It moved me to tears. He talks about how we as parents have the power to make or break our children. Divorce is VERY hard and VERY painful. Please, please take great care of yourself during this time. Please ask family...
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